Why
by Yumekui7
Summary: A certain dark haired man's thoughts as he watches a wedding. Jealousy? Or just pity for himself? Izaya-centric. Alternate Ending inside
1. Chapter 1

Title: Why?

Summary: A certain dark haired man's thoughts as he watches a wedding. Jealousy? Or just pity for himself? Izaya-centric.

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A man walked into the church hall, keeping his head down. He unbuttoned his crisp black suit jacket and sat at the very edge of the last pew. He lowered the dark tinted glasses obstructing his oddly colored eyes. The man looked up, observing the decor of the chapel. The stained glass windows stayed dark as there was no light outside. The bright white marble of the altar reflected in the maroon pools he called eyes.

_Why am I here?_

He ran his hands through his short black hair, sighing lightly. He tore his eyes away from the sight and looked down at his hand. He toyed with the small red box in his hands as the murmuring of the people in the front of the church quieted. The sound of the organ signaled for people to start filing in. The man pocketed the gift box and slipped his sunglasses back on at the beaming bride passed his bench.

_Why am I here! _

The man kept a hand in his pocket, clutching the gift box. He debated whether or not he should have gotten a card for it. Thinking back, he figured it would be lost since the card would be bigger than the actual gift. He watched as the blonde woman turn to her maid of honor, handing her the bouquet. The tall man beside her smiled gently, taking her hand as they stepped up to the priest at the top of the altar. His mind screamed at him to leave the place. He ignored the voice, leaning back against the hard wooden pew. He knew he shouldn't be here. If the groom knew, he would have been killed before he could set foot on such holy ground.

_How could I be so pathetic?_

He didn't understand why he was making himself suffer. Even the children he knew would not do this. They ran separate gangs warring against each other, but still found a way to be happy together.

_It's not that big of a deal. _

It was just a wedding. It was just a wedding. His eyes narrowed behind the dark lenses as he watched the two blondes kiss and laugh. He quickly slipped out of the church before the pair could turn fully and walk down the aisle together. He rushed out into the cold night air and ran around the corner, taking in calming breaths. The man blinked as the wedding party exited the building followed by their guests. He clutched the box in his hand and stepped out, moving towards a young girl dressed in white. She must have been the flower girl. The child looked up curiously at the man wearing sunglasses at night. The man simply handed her the red box and instructed her to place it on the gifts table at the reception. The girl stared at it, then looked up about to ask who it was from. By the time her little fingers wrapped around the corners of the gift, the man was gone; he blended with the night air in his pitch black suit.

_What now?_

The man sighed, leaning against the cool touch of the church. He flipped out his cellphone, aiming to call someone to pick him up. As he heard the laughter of the bride and saw the silent man by her side climb into their car, he figured he would just walk. He walked through the streets, no idea where he was going. He just walked. He passed by a shop window, catching his reflection. He stopped and stared at the man. He touched his fingertips to the frozen window, tracing the outline of his jaw in the reflection. He want to punch that man but knew it wouldn't do him any good.

_I can't take it back. _

He sighed, letting his hand fall from the glass. He shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking. The corners of his mouth twitched as the harsh wind bit into his skin. He smiled to himself as he felt light snow fall on his exposed neck. He felt the stares of the few people walking the streets bundled up in their parkas and scarves, but he paid them no mind. He stopped as he felt the buzzing of his phone. Carefully taking out the frozen object, he stared at the caller ID before pocketing the technology once more. As soon as he saw that name, he wanted to chuck his phone onto the highway and watch as it was run over by the cars. He knew he couldn't; his whole career rested in the survival of that phone. Instead he opted to just ignore the call and kept walking. He walked until he found himself in front of his building. Sighing and rubbing his forlorn face, the man opened the lobby door and waited for the elevator.

_Life goes on. _

A tall blonde man stepped off the train, carrying a sleeping child in his arm; he held a luggage bag in his other hand. A smiled etched itself onto the man's face as he took in the sight of his home. It's been three years since he saw those familiar buildings. He walked through the streets, making sure to keep an eye on the girl sleeping on his shoulder. He spotted a park and made his way to the benches. He placed the luggage under the bench and sat until the girl stirred. She beamed up at him, warming his heart. He returned the look and messed with the dark blond locks tied up in pigtails. The girl pouted and looked around at her surroundings. She spotted a baby play structure in front of the bench and pointed to it. The man nodded, letting her go to play by herself. He kept an eye on her as the sun began to set and the people began to disappear. He reached up, touching the thin chain around his neck. He pulled at it, revealing a platinum band.

_Love._

A man in a fur-trimmed coat walked out of his apartment and office, making his way to his favorite sushi restaurant. He grabbed a quick bite and smiled lightly at the sunset. The expression slipped from his face as he spotted a familiar figure sitting across the street. There was a small child bouncing around the isolated structures. The man felt a clench in his throat as he carefully walked to the park. He arrived behind the man sitting on the bench, automatically knowing exactly who it was. He could smell the smoke on him. There was only one person he knew who smoked such a unique smelling cigarette. He smirked, tapping the man on the shoulder.

_Love. _

The blonde frowned as he spotted fur our of the corner of his eye. He turned cautiously, letting the ring hang from his neck. He was met with a full on smirk of a familiar face, one he hadn't seen in well over three years. His eyes wide, the blonde turned around fully, taking in the dark haired man's smirking image.

_Love. _

The raven haired man's smirk never faltered as he spoke quietly. "Even if you quit smoking, I can still smell it on you." He caught the glint of the metal on the man's neck and followed it to the ring hanging from the thin chain. His hand raised to touch the warm metal. The corner of his mouth twitched as he looked at his own hand, missing that ring. He dropped his hand and moved to sit next to the blonde.

_Why am I here?_

The blonde relaxed as the man sat beside him. He kept his eyes on the child. The girl felt the eyes of her father and rushed back to him, jumping into his lap. She snuggled into his chest and looked up at the man beside him. She looked to the ring on his finger and the ring hanging from the blonde's neck. She grabbed the stranger's hand and the chain in her tiny hands and laughed. "It matches!" The man pulled her back carefully. "Lily," he warned. The girl pouted and leaned her head on the man's chest once more.

_Is she...?_

The dark haired man looked straight ahead, ignoring the actions of the small child. He leaned forward, placing his chin on his calloused palm. "Why are you back?" The blonde looked up from his daughter, staring the the back of the other man's head. He said nothing, boring into the man's head, hoping to make him turn around so he could see those beautiful crimson eyes in the dim sunlight. After a couple minutes of silence, the man stood, realizing he wasn't going to get an answer. He stopped moving as he felt two hands on him. The girl still hadn't let go of his finger and the man had grabbed the bottom of his jacket, causing him to sit back down. "Your daughter seems to have inherited your inhuman strength."

_Why won't he say anything to me?_

"She's not mine." The blonde voiced, brushing hair from the girl's face. She looked at the hand and tried to bite it. "She's Vorona's. She got pregnant with another man after we moved back to Russia. See?" He held the girl up and turned her to the other man showing him her clear blue-gray eyes. The younger man laughed. "So you took her kid from her?" The blonde frowned, settling the girl into his lap once more. "They died in a plane crash a couple weeks ago." He let out a short laugh. "She thought I wouldn't know this wasn't my child."

_Why did you keep my ring?_

The blonde saw the question in the other man's eyes. "Because I still love you."

_Bullshit. _

He ran his hands through the short black hair, resting his hand on the round jaw. His thumb touched the warm lips, tracing the edges then stopping at the corner. The hard maroon eyes softened. "Bullshit," he voiced. "Then why did you marry her?" The man dropped his hand; "Why did you run from me," he stated, touching the ring on the other man's index finger.

_Because I was scared._

The girl climbed into the other man's lap, playing with the fur on his hood. The man watched the small child in his lap, making sure she didn't fall off. He refused to face the other male in fear of letting the tears of three years prior fall. He flinched at the soft touch of a finger on his chin, turning his face in the direction of the blonde. He kept his eyes to the side feeling the thumb go over his jawline. He closed his eyes to absorb the touch but snapped them open as he tasted the other mouth on his. He could definitely still smell that American Spirit smoke, and he was sure the other could definitely smell his fear.

_Why?_

The small child pushed the men apart, breaking their soft kiss. She pouted sitting in the dark haired man's lap. They smiled, each kissing the girl's cheeks causing her to squeal and hug them, wrapping her tiny arms around their necks. They looked at each other, their lips meeting once more in a promise.

_**Leave me again and I'll kill you.**

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A little drabble CMHerrera reminded me of when I mentioned that I had another Shizaya fic in mind. : D I hope you like it~ Review if you favorite because those of you who read Game Over know that I will bother you about it. XD

HAPPY NEW YEAR~


	2. Alternate ending

Title: Why?

Summary: A certain dark haired man's thoughts as he watches a wedding. Jealousy? Or just pity for himself? Izaya-centric. Alternate Ending

A man walked into the church hall, keeping his head down. He unbuttoned his crisp black suit jacket and sat at the very edge of the last pew. He lowered the dark tinted glasses obstructing his oddly colored eyes. The man looked up, observing the decor of the chapel. The stained glass windows stayed dark as there was no light outside. The bright white marble of the altar reflected in the maroon pools he called eyes.

_Why am I here?_

He ran his hands through his short black hair, sighing lightly. He tore his eyes away from the sight and looked down at his hand. He toyed with the small red box in his hands as the murmuring of the people in the front of the church quieted. The sound of the organ signaled for people to start filing in. The man pocketed the gift box and slipped his sunglasses back on at the beaming bride passed his bench.

_Why am I here! _

The man kept a hand in his pocket, clutching the gift box. He debated whether or not he should have gotten a card for it. Thinking back, he figured it would be lost since the card would be bigger than the actual gift. He watched as the blonde woman turn to her maid of honor, handing her the bouquet. The tall man beside her smiled gently, taking her hand as they stepped up to the priest at the top of the altar. His mind screamed at him to leave the place. He ignored the voice, leaning back against the hard wooden pew. He knew he shouldn't be here. If the groom knew, he would have been killed before he could set foot on such holy ground.

_How could I be so pathetic?_

He didn't understand why he was making himself suffer. Even the children he knew would not do this. They ran separate gangs warring against each other, but still found a way to be happy together.

_It's not that big of a deal. _

It was just a wedding. It was just a wedding. His eyes narrowed behind the dark lenses as he watched the two blondes kiss and laugh. He quickly slipped out of the church before the pair could turn fully and walk down the aisle together. He rushed out into the cold night air and ran around the corner, taking in calming breaths. The man blinked as the wedding party exited the building followed by their guests. He clutched the box in his hand and stepped out, moving towards a young girl dressed in white. She must have been the flower girl. The child looked up curiously at the man wearing sunglasses at night. The man simply handed her the red box and instructed her to place it on the gifts table at the reception. The girl stared at it, then looked up about to ask who it was from. By the time her little fingers wrapped around the corners of the gift, the man was gone; he blended with the night air in his pitch black suit.

_What now?_

The man sighed, leaning against the cool touch of the church. He flipped out his cellphone, aiming to call someone to pick him up. As he heard the laughter of the bride and saw the silent man by her side climb into their car, he figured he would just walk. He walked through the streets, no idea where he was going. He just walked. He passed by a shop window, catching his reflection. He stopped and stared at the man. He touched his fingertips to the frozen window, tracing the outline of his jaw in the reflection. He want to punch that man but knew it wouldn't do him any good.

_I can't take it back. _

He sighed, letting his hand fall from the glass. He shoved his hands in his pockets and continued walking. The corners of his mouth twitched as the harsh wind bit into his skin. He smiled to himself as he felt light snow fall on his exposed neck. He felt the stares of the few people walking the streets bundled up in their parkas and scarves, but he paid them no mind. He stopped as he felt the buzzing of his phone. Carefully taking out the frozen object, he stared at the caller ID before pocketing the technology once more. As soon as he saw that name, he wanted to chuck his phone onto the highway and watch as it was run over by the cars. He knew he couldn't; his whole career rested in the survival of that phone. Instead he opted to just ignore the call and kept walking. He walked until he found himself in front of his building. Sighing and rubbing his forlorn face, the man opened the lobby door and waited for the elevator.

_Life goes on. _

A tall blonde man stepped off the train, carrying a sleeping child in his arm; he held a luggage bag in his other hand. A smiled etched itself onto the man's face as he took in the sight of his home. It's been three years since he saw those familiar buildings. He walked through the streets, making sure to keep an eye on the girl sleeping on his shoulder. He spotted a park and made his way to the benches. He placed the luggage under the bench and sat until the girl stirred. She beamed up at him, warming his heart. He returned the look and messed with the dark blond locks tied up in pigtails. The girl pouted and looked around at her surroundings. She spotted a baby play structure in front of the bench and pointed to it. The man nodded, letting her go to play by herself. He kept an eye on her as the sun began to set and the people began to disappear. He reached up, touching the thin chain around his neck. He pulled at it, revealing a platinum band.

_Love._

A man in a fur-trimmed coat walked out of his apartment and office, making his way to his favorite sushi restaurant. He grabbed a quick bite and smiled lightly at the sunset. The expression slipped from his face as he spotted a familiar figure sitting across the street. There was a small child bouncing around the isolated structures. The man felt a clench in his throat as he carefully walked to the park. He arrived behind the man sitting on the bench, automatically knowing exactly who it was. He could smell the smoke on him. There was only one person he knew who smoked such a unique smelling cigarette. He smirked, tapping the man on the shoulder.

_Love. _

The blonde frowned as he spotted fur our of the corner of his eye. He turned cautiously, letting the ring hang from his neck. He was met with a full on smirk of a familiar face, one he hadn't seen in well over three years. His eyes wide, the blonde turned around fully, taking in the dark haired man's smirking image.

_Love. _

The raven haired man's smirk never faltered as he spoke quietly. "Even if you quit smoking, I can still smell it on you." He caught the glint of the metal on the man's neck and followed it to the ring hanging from the thin chain. His hand raised to touch the warm metal. The corner of his mouth twitched as he looked at his own hand, missing that ring. He dropped his hand and moved to sit next to the blonde.

_Why am I here?_

The blonde relaxed as the man sat beside him. He kept his eyes on the child. The girl felt the eyes of her father and rushed back to him, jumping into his lap. She snuggled into his chest and looked up at the man beside him. She looked to the ring on his finger and the ring hanging from the blonde's neck. She grabbed the stranger's hand and the chain in her tiny hands and laughed. "It matches!" The man pulled her back carefully. "Lily," he warned. The girl pouted and leaned her head on the man's chest once more.

_Is she...?_

The dark haired man looked straight ahead, ignoring the actions of the small child. He leaned forward, placing his chin on his calloused palm. "Why are you back?" The blonde looked up from his daughter, staring the the back of the other man's head. He said nothing, boring into the man's head, hoping to make him turn around so he could see those beautiful crimson eyes in the dim sunlight. After a couple minutes of silence, the man stood, realizing he wasn't going to get an answer. He stopped moving as he felt two hands on him. The girl still hadn't let go of his finger and the man had grabbed the bottom of his jacket, causing him to sit back down. "Your daughter seems to have inherited your inhuman strength."

_Why won't he say anything to me?_

"She's not mine." The blonde voiced, brushing hair from the girl's face. She looked at the hand and tried to bite it. "She's Vorona's. She got pregnant with another man after we moved back to Russia. See?" He held the girl up and turned her to the other man showing him her clear blue-gray eyes that belonged to neither of the blondes. The younger man laughed lightly. "So you took her kid from her?" The blonde frowned, settling the girl into his lap once more. "They died in a plane crash a couple weeks ago." He let out a short laugh, "She thought I wouldn't know this wasn't my child. Idiotic, seeing as I never slept with her."

_Why did you keep my ring?_

The blonde saw the question in the other man's eyes. "Because I still love you."

_Bullshit. _

He ran his hands through the short black hair, resting his hand on the round jaw. His thumb touched the warm lips, tracing the edges then stopping at the corner. The hard maroon eyes softened. "Bullshit," he voiced. "Then why did you marry her?" The man dropped his hand; "Why did you run from me," he stated, tapping the ring on the other man's index finger.

_Because I was scared. I still am. _

The dark haired man stood once more, looking down to make sure nothing was attached to him. He turned away from the two sitting on the bench. "So you're back for good?" He peeked back, noticing a slight nod from the blonde. He smiled lightly, hiding the pain he was sure that was showing in his eyes. The blonde opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it as he saw the other start to move away. He frowned, standing up to go after the man. He set the child on the bench and grabbed the raven haired man's hand, effectively stopping the movements. He moved to wrap his strong arms around the thin, bony shoulders. His frowned deepened as he felt the smaller man tense under his grip. He felt the warm shaky breath against his forearm as the other lowered his head.

_Why?_

The man gently removed the strong arms from his frame, taking a step forward to distance the two. He raised his hand in a goodbye and continued walking. He never turned to witness the fleet of emotions running across the other man's face. When he placed a safe distance between the two, he placed his hands in his pockets, smiling into the now dark night air. He smiled in pity for himself for running away again. He smiled at the familiar feeling of walking alone at night. He smiled for being able to see that man once more. He smiled at the thought of seeing him more often if he stayed in their city. He smiled, knowing that he hadn't had a child with that woman. He cried silently, as he realized he had run from his only chance at love, as painful as it was.

_Why..._


End file.
